A proper DIY punk debut with a chunk of comedy chucked in!
Essex boys Rat Hole are here to take you back to a time when punk was unpretentious, underrated, and unequivocally unspeakable! Their debut album ‘Proper Cunt Music‘ dropped on 5th June, along with a riotous album release party at London’s legendary Hope & Anchor (yes of course I went!)
Dr Smackpot (drums & vocals) and Johnny Sideways (guitar & vocals) are the the most hilarious double act since Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson, as anyone who’s been to one of Rat Hole’s live shows will tell you! Their comedic duologues are gleefully included on the album, as they blunder through their lives much as Rik and Ade did in the TV series ‘Bottom‘.
It’s not just about the banter – these songs are stomping, take-no-prisoners, back to ’77 bangers! Smackpot and Sideways, plus bass player Frankie Fag Fingers, have produced something surprising with ‘Proper Cunt Music‘ – an album so bad that it’s incredibly good! Tongue-in-cheek tales of 21st century lads trying to make sense of their frequently tortured lives, their only respite found in cheap beer, ciggies, and playing punk rock..
Kicking against the pricks, the boys are fed up with the patronising people telling them to ‘Sort Your Life Out‘! Rat Hole are definitely ‘Not Scared (of Calling You a Cunt)‘ – an anarchistic (and very sweary!) rant against who and what has pissed them off.
Smackpot rebukes Sideways for his habit in ‘I Caught You Wanking‘, then there’s a song we can all nod along to; ‘You Can’t Drive‘ is one of the best sing-alongs on the album; “You’re a mug mate!”
The lads are getting fed up of being stuck ‘Doing the Same Shit‘ every day, Smackpot taking out his obvious frustration on the drum kit! ‘Billy Baliff‘ is in for a fight before getting anything else after the non-payment of a parking fine. Hung Like Hanratty could have written this one!
There’s nothing for it but to go ‘Back on the Piss‘ again.. although Rat Hole seldom seem to be out of the pub or the off-licence.. They still have grand dreams though, and they have big plans for ‘When We’re Famous‘ – Johnny’s stellar guitar solo hinting at how he’ll feel playing Wembley Stadium.
The bane of live bands and gig-goers, Rat Hole insist that you ‘Put Your Phone Away‘! Cuntish behaviour by wannabe TikTok ‘stars’, with their inane and self-obsessed videos (which are actually boring as fuck), gets shot to pieces.
Who needs to check facts? Not ‘Conspiracy Man‘! Smackpot’s mum told me this was written for her, as she’s into her conspiracy theories. The internet is riddled with the most ridiculous nonsense, hilariously detailed here! Smackpot has an idea to make the band more popular.. ‘If I Had a Pair of Tits‘ he reckons, he’d get a lot more followers on Instagram..
The band’s signature song, ‘Still Be a Cunt‘, says it all – it doesn’t matter what you are or where you’re from, you can still be a cunt! We love this one, great to sing along with the chorus.
Oh dear, Smackpot needs a few lessons in how to be a better boyfriend. ‘All I Did‘ is a litany of the worst behaviours guys try to get away with.. But he’s very very sorry – that he got caught! ‘Prison‘ is great according to Sideways – you get well fed, you get to play video games, and there’s all the violence you could ever want.. although he does admit at the end that he’s never actually been banged up!
If you’re into real-life, politically incorrect punk, such as Hung Like Hanratty, you’ll enjoy this album. “Turns out if you learn to play a couple of notes on the guitar and shout about bollocks, tits, cunts and wankers, you can become a punk rock superstar like me!” claims Johnny Sideways. We think he’s on to something there..!
Order your copy of ‘Proper Cunt Music‘ on CD or vinyl HERE and stream the album HERE
Catch Rat Hole (if you dare!) on tour across the UK this year, including at Undercover Festival in South Essex this September!
Main Photo Credit: RUTH RAE
- Proper Cunt Music Intro
- Sort Your Life Out
- Not Scared (of Calling You a Cunt)
- Wanking (Skit)
- I Caught You Wanking
- You Can’t Drive
- Doing the Same Shit
- Billy Baliff
- Back on the Piss
- Famous (Skit)
- When We’re Famous
- Put Your Phone Away
- Conspiracy Man
- Dr Smackpot’s Idea (Skit)
- If I Had a Pair of Tits
- Still Be a Cunt
- Smackpot’s Mrs (Skit)
- All I Did
- Prison
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Usually found jumping around down the front at gigs, I also relish taking photos and videos, singing, speaking with fellow music fans, and asking musicians the questions nobody else does. Writing about my favourite bands and connecting with people who love music too keeps me more-or-less sane! I’ve worked for over 25 years at a video production company, mainly filming live music events, therefore I have an additional backstage perspective on the scene.
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